PENN October 25, 1975
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Marching “Yankee Doodle, It’s a Dandy” Band presents three long hard…Bicentennial minutes.
“Princeton Forward” The Band first salutes the venerable Dr. Benjamin Franklin and some of his most eccentric and least-known inventions, like the gas…television, the Learjet, and…the University of Pennsylvania. Speaking of inventions…historians assert that Franklin has 13 illegitimate children…one for each colony, but couldn’t keep up…the pace when Vermont entered…the Union. The Band sadly notes that Ben couldn’t make it…all the way to Hawaii.
“California Here I Come” (Band forms XIII -> XIV) Speaking of illigitimate children, everyone knows that George Washington, the Father of Our Country, slept here…and there…and was considered a Revolutionary inspiration to the…Mothers of our country. During those long, hard years away from Martha, George constantly looked to Mount…Vernon. Forming grapes of wrath on the field, the Band recalls the General’s rousing….words after his stomping victory at Martha’s Vineyard: I came, I saw, I…concord.
“How Dry I Am” (Band forms grapes) And now, in an eye-popping presentation of patriotic pageantry, the Band invites everyone to join us in the singing of one of those great old colonial toe-tappers:
“Yankee Doodle” (Band forms 1776)
Yankee Doodle came to town Riding on a pony, Stuck a…feather in his…cap And called it macaroni. Yankee Doodle…keep it up. Yankee Doodle Dandy. Mind the music and the step, And with the girls be…handy.
BROWN November 1, 1975
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Marching Masked…Ball Band takes a long…hard look at Halloween.
“Princeton Forward” Speaking of Charlie Brown, the Band first asks, “What’s so great about the great pumpkin?” All the sweet little girls and boys sit alone in the pumpkin patch waiting for the great pumpkin to…rise, but he never does. In sympathy, the Band consoles those who are still waiting for their…treat, by reminding them that in a few…short months Santa Claus will be…sliding down their…chimney.
“Promises, Promises” (Band forms a pumpkin) The Band notes that Princeton is the only University to give a vacation at Halloween, in honor of our colors,…orange and black. We take our holiday seriously, in fact,…we take it any way we can get it! Especially at our age, we get…excited about tricks…and treats. Bags…in hand, we go door to door, hoping every knock…will give us…goodies.
“My Favorite Things” Speaking of treats, the Band asks, “What do people give as tricks or treats when their…bells are rung?”
- President Ford gives you driving lessons.
- Abe Beame trades you Manhattan for your UNICEF carton.
- Burger King gives you a double whopper and holds…the pickle.
- The Democratic Party gives you a candidate,…and another,…and another.
- William F. Buckley, Jr. gives you a model airplane with…2 right wings, and
- Xaviera Hollander gives you…15 minutes.
(Band forms ‘?’ -> ‘!’) And now the Band rings your bells, noting that at Halloween time,
“Anythings Goes” And who was that masked man?…I wanted to thank him.
HARVARD November 8, 1975
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long…hard look at the Big Three, in descending order.
“Princeton Forward” Administrators at Princeton have recently expressed concern over excessive drinking in the stands at football games. We soberly…note that they couldn’t be talking about the Band; as everyone knows, we do all our drinking on the field… Perhaps they are referring to our thirsy…alumni, who drown their sorrows…even when we win. No less than our Boston alumni are known to sneak a…Shirley Temple on the sly. When asked to comment, one alumnus remarked, “The fizz makes my tongue…tingle.”
“Thank Heaven For Little Girls” Next we look at…Harvard. You can always tell a Harvard man…but you can’t tell him much. Nor can you understand much of what he’s telling you. After living in Boston for four years, he can’t even “pak his cah in Hahvahd yahd.” Translation: he can’t even “park his car in Harvard yard.” Forming
- a harvard yard,
- a Yarvard hard,
- a Derek Box, or
- a box lunch,
the Band sadly notes that in Harvard’s box…lunch, there are no bananas.
“Yes, We Have no Bananas” We now turn our attention to the least of the Big Three. When considering…Yale, the old adage comes to mind, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
(Band is in block band)
YALE November 15, 1975
Ladies and gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at deja vu.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long, hard look at deja vu.
Speaking of things we’ve seen again and again, who can forget all those TV reruns of “I Love Lucy”? It was a weekly thrill to watch the retired couple, Fred and Ethel… Mertz. And then there was adorable little Ricky, who got his natural sense of rhythm from his dad, and who by age four was already playing the… bongos. Yes indeed folks, millions of Americans glued… to their seats turned on… their sets every Monday night to watch Desi Arnez and Lucille… Ball.
“I Love Lucy”(Band forms heart with latin combo (Carmen Miranda, etc.)
Babaloo!! What else is seen time and time again? The Princeton University Band returns every week. Why do they come back to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous… fans? Why do they come back? “Youse guys don’t tink we can march, do ya? You don’t tink we can play either? Oh yeah, well your mother wears topsiders! Watch dis!…”
Drum Major Terry Theile ’76 has just been presented with the E. Paul DePont Memorial Band Hat. While the Band enacts this difficult formation, it seems a good time to recognize the Officers of the Princeton University Marching Band… (announcer’s clever intros)…
(Band forms script ‘Ohio’)
Didn’t tink we could do that, huh? As the balloon attempts to rise, the Band asks you to rise and join us as the Band does something you’ve never seen before: we pretend to be a band and salute those who are seen all the time and deeply appreciated, the alumni of Princeton University. Please join us in “The Orange and the Black.”
“Orange and Black” (Band forms concert shell)
DARTMOUTH November 15, 1975
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Princeton University Band takes a long… hard… look… for Amelia Ehrhart. (airplane noise)
“Princeton Forward” Ladies and Gentlemen, in its final appearance… ever (applause), the Band is pleased to announce that it has put together a collection of halftime highlights for your listening enjoyment. Yes folks, this multi-record set offers you the best halftime shows in the Band’s archives. Who can forget the time we saluted Raquel Welch by playing “The Big Top,” or the time we toasted Abe Beame with “5 foot 2, eyes of blue”? You can get all these and many more on our special 9 x 12… extra-long… record. Why don’t we all croon along as the band moons… on the field and plays one of my personal favorites.
“By the Light of the Silvery Moon” Speaking of multiplying your dreams, order now and you will receive at no extra cost a ticket to lasagna night at Commons. Operators are standing by to accept your calls. The number in New Jersey is 452-6100… that’s 452-3350… for those who didn’t catch that number, it’s 452-3134. Out of town, please call collect. In anticipation of selling two million records by June, we stack our 45’s on the field and rotate.
“June is Busting Out All Over” Ladies and Gentlemen, you may not know that the Band has a censor who carefully edits our shows. The Band deplores this restriction on our First Amendment freedoms. We have therefore decided the throw away the last approved joke for this week and give you two minutes of unmitigated filth. For the first… and last time ever, a Marching Band goes topless. (Band removes hats) Didn’t like that one huh? Well, now the Band closes its 1975 year with one final obscene revelation.
(9 men in trenchcoats: “NNETICROP” to “PRINCETON” to the tune of “2001.”)